Cash, not oft-invoked kids, tops Chicago Way agenda in speed camera deal
A completely hypothetical politician was being heckled by angry taxpayers. And they dared ask rude questions, like why he wasted all their tax dollars on fat contracts to his pals.
So he decided to flee. Unfortunately, he was surrounded. Then he saw a first-grader in the crowd. He grabbed the child and used her as a shield, holding her before him to ward off angry voters, shrieking, "We must save this child! Help me save this child!" as he sprinted to his car.